Sunday, March 13, 2011

What should I give up for Lent?

Lent is that season in the Church whereby we are called upon to take a long walk in the desert with Jesus and gear ourselves up for battle with the devil. In the desert there is nothing to entice us except a sea of sand, hot and humid weather and a waterless zone. Desert reminds us of our need to depend on God for everything. Little wonder then why desert is a place for penance, self-denial and sacrifice. Here Jesus spent 40 days and 40 nights in prayer to God in preparation for his mission in the world, in obedience to God. During Lent we fast, pray and give alms. We engage in acts of charity and we try to outdo one another in kindness. We are often more concerned with what to give up rather than on what we should do. So what should we do in order to enter fruitfully into the season of Lent?

Just a few suggestions: For Lent of this year let the stress be on sin reduction. This means reducing the frequency of the sins that we tend to commit regularly. It can also mean reducing those nagging bad habits that keep us in bondage. We could for instance learn to control our tongues more and stop gossiping or spreading rumors about people. The rule of thumb here could be, if you have nothing positive or good to say about someone, keep quiet. Remember this: there is so much bad in the best of us, and so much good in the worse of us; it behooves any of us to say anything about the rest of us. Since we would not like people to say bad things about us, especially if those are false rumors, then, we owe the same consideration to others. If gossips come to you and notice that you are not responding they will move away. If you do this during this Lent, you would have had fruitful Lent this year.

On habit reduction: we could try giving up some of our bad habits. Say you are a smoker and you know as well as I do that smoking is dangerous for your health. You know that you only smoke because of that nicotine in your system, and you know also that the smoke from cigarette is gradually destroying your lungs. Then why not do something about kicking that bad habit so that you may be set free. Well then Lent is a good time to start. Begin by giving up few cigarettes a day. If you were used to smoking 10 sticks of cigarette a day, try 9 cigarettes. Hopefully by Easter Sunday, you would have given up five sticks of cigarette. Now what to do with your savings from the cigarettes you have given up? That for sure is easy. Give the equivalent of those cigarettes in cash to the poor.

There are other wonderful things you can do during this season of grace, the springtime of the Church. All you need do is apply the same principle as above and this year will be your best Lent ever. Good luck!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Temptation is not a sin


Temptation, enticement, attraction, pull, inducement or lure all mean one and the same thing. On its own temptation is not a sin. To be attracted to something or somebody is ontological. It is neither good nor bad. In fact, temptation or enticement can turn our to be something very good depending on how one looks at it. The temptation of Jesus in the desert turned out to be very good in itself because it teaches us how to prepare for temptation. Some people give in to temptation easily than others. In the book of Genesis, we see how our first parents sinned and disobeyed God. They were easily persuaded by the cunning snake that employed its tact and manipulations and lured them to sin. Let us reflect here on the tactics of the devil; “Did God really tell you not to eat from any of the trees in the garden?” (Gen. 3:1). Now let us follow the reasoning of the serpent. “You certainly will not die! No God knows well that the moment you eat of it your eyes will be opened and you will be like gods who know what is good and what is bad”, (Gen. 3:4). Now let is see the reaction of the woman. “The woman saw that the tree was good for food, pleasing to the eyes, and desirable for gaining wisdom. So she took some of its fruit and ate; and she also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it”, (Gen. 3:6).

From the aforementioned, it follows that when we are tempted we employ our reason mode and posit some questions: ‘what is in it for? How will it benefit me? Will it advance me from where I am now to where I want to be?” The answer to these questions will determine what our next action will be. In a very sin that we commit, the above reasoning will always remotely be at work in our minds. What do we then do when faced with temptation? This answer will be found in the person of Jesus who was tempted by the same devil employing the same method of enticement used on the woman.

Let me note quickly here that to face temptation as Jesus did, we have to do what Jesus did. He went into the desert and fasted and prayed for strength, for a sense of direction, for power from above while surrendering himself completely to God not trusting in his power but on the power of God. With this fortification from above Christ was able to give the devil these answers: “One does not live by bread alone, but by every world that comes forth from the mouth of God; again it is written, You shall not put the Lord, your God, to the test”. And finally, “Get away, Satan! It is written: The Lord, your God, shall you worship and him alone shall you serve”, (Mt. 4:4,7,10). Most of the time we give in to temptation, not because temptation is a sin but because we do not know how to fortify ourselves. Lent gives us that wonderful opportunity to get prepared so as to do battle with the devil. That is why the struggle is called Christian warfare. Are you prepared for the battle?

Friday, March 11, 2011

Lessons from Natural Disasters!


As I write this blog, my heart goes to Japan devastated by 8.9 magnitude of earthquake that has triggered powerful tsunami and massive flooding. With natural disaster such as this, who do we blame. I could not but notice how vain material things are. In the face of this disaster no one struggled to get any material thing out except cling on to life. The mistake we sometimes make is to think that this will not or cannot happen to us. The many natural disasters we experience in the world are to give us warning and an opportunity to put our house in order.

Lent is precisely that time. It is a time for renewal and stocktaking so as to put our life in shape. Jesus urges us to live repentant lives. On the disaster that befell some Galileans whose blood Pilate had mingled with the blood of their sacrifices Jesus said, “Do you think that because these Galileans suffered in this way they were greater sinners than all other Galileans? By no means! But I tell you, if you do not repent, you will all perish as they did! Or those eighteen people who were killed when the tower at Siloam fell on them – do you think they were more guilty than every one else who lived in Jerusalem? By no means! But I tell you, if you do not repent, you will all perish as they did”, (Lk. 13:1-5). Lent affords us this great chance for repentance. Let us make use of it.

I pray for the Japanese who lost their lives through the devastating earthquake. I feel for those whom, Gadhafi has mascaraed in Libya simply because they seek to be freed from his tyrannical rule over them. But as we pray for them, let their suffering be a lesson for us. If we should die this night shall we be ready to meet our Lord?   

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Your love is overwhelming!


Now I understand why the disciples were first called Christians at Antioch. The reason is due to how the disciples showed and demonstrated love for one another. Since my mother passed yesterday, I have been overwhelmed with the amount of love I have received from my MSP brothers, my friends and almost everyone I know. The number of phone calls I have received between yesterday and this night is almost more than the calls I have received in the whole year. I have also been blessed by your gift and the offer of any thing that I might need. My posting today is simply to say thank you, thank you and thank you again. I am traveling to be with my family on Sunday. Please keep the prayer going up to heaven for us. I kind of have a feeling that we will all need it a lot. I think of you, as I know that you think of me. May God bless us all! Please keep the love going not just because my mom is dead, but because we have been commanded to love one another because God himself is love.

This evening I was on a conference call with my family and we were planning mom’s funeral. We selected the readings and everything about the final home going for mom. It was not easy, to say the least. Mom will be laid to rest on March 18, 2011 at 10:00 a.m. What else can I ask of you except to keep on praying for us. Thank you again and again, and again.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

On the death of my mother!

I was in the office today, March 9, 2011, Ash Wednesday, at about 11:00 am when my brother, Barrister Kris, called and asked that I request prayer and Masses to be offered for my mother. You see my mother went down with stroke in the year 2002. With this sickness, she lost the use of her right hand, her right leg and her voice and had been unable to communicate with her voice. I prayed for my mother as I have never prayed for anyone before. Since her sickness, I was able to travel to Canada, Germany, Rome, Australia, England and the Holy Land. In all these places I prayed, lit candles and offered the Holy sacrifice of the Mass for my mother. My one prayer was that she would regain the use of her voice. I had so many dreams during this time of my mother talking again, I dreamt of her getting up from the wheel chair and walking again; oh I dreamt of having the good times with my mother and family again. Whenever I woke up from these dreams, I would call my siblings back home and enquire how mom was doing, always expecting to hear the good news that she was able to talk; but I never had the good fortune of such good news. Even today, after Kris had called, I prayed for mom, I called on friends to pray for mom, I asked my friend, Bishop Madden to pray for mom, I asked my priests friends to offer the sacrifice of the Mass for mom. And they all did. Yet just about three hours after Kris’ first call, he called back to inform me that mom had passed. Now does it mean that God did not answer my prayers?

By no means! What is an answer to prayer anyways? Can ‘no’ not be considered an answer to prayers? Since mom took ill with stroke many other people have had this sickness and did not make it as long as mom. Even the doctor who treated mom when she first took ill himself died some years ago. Mom was alive to see her children, 17 grand children and two great grand children. Yes, God answered my prayers and the prayers of my family and friends. The fact that my mom died on Ash Wednesday means a lot to me. My mother had the gift of final preservation, one of the greatest gifts God can give to his children. One other consolation for my family is that my pastor was able to see mom before she passed, he offered the sacrifice of the Mass for her right there in the living room; mom received the sacrament of the sick. Today being Ash Wednesday, she was given ashes, reminding her that she was taken from the earth and she would return to the earth mother died few hours after all these. Isn’t she lucky? Mother died in the presence my brothers and sisters and under the watchful care of my dear father, who himself prayed for mom sprinkling her with Holy Water to remind her of her baptism. With that my mother slept in the Lord like a baby. Who said that God does not answer our prayers?

In spite of all these it has not yet dawned on me that my mother is no more, that when I go home I will not see her. This truth will only come home to me after the funeral. I want to thank my many friends who have called, sent text messages and emails sympathizing with me over the passing of my mother. People from my former parishes and my parishioners have showed me how much they care for my family and me. You are very good to me indeed! May God bless and keep you all.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Same Sex union controversy


Qoheleth, the writer of the Book of Ecclesiastes, states clearly that nothing is strange under the sun. That whatever happens now had already happened before. Just read on: “No one can say that eyes have not had enough of seeing, ears their fill of hearing. What was, will be again, what has been done, will be done again, and there is nothing new under the sun!” (Eccl.1:8-9). Now I am not sure I agree with Qoheleth totally. I wonder whether all the things we are experiencing now have all happened before. I wonder if people in the past had as many conflicting life style as we have now. Many are doing all in their power to get others to adopt their own life style while at the same time looking at those who do not ascribe to them with scorn. Most of the time it is the children who suffer the repercussion of the choice of adults. The point of this posting is on a very controversial issue: same sex union and child adoption. Yes, I know this is not a very popular topic to reflect on, but please just hear me out.

Life has taught us a lesson that to procreate a male and a female must come together as was ordained by God. The anatomy of a woman is specifically designed by the master craftsman to enable her to carry a child in her womb and to nurse the child after birth. I am sure no one will contend with this fact of life. A man’s anatomy on the other hand was designed to aid a woman in the process of conception and to nurture the child through love and care of the woman. This fact again is undisputable. Many men would have given birth by now if it was possible and many women would have willing played the role of a man in this process if it was possible. Yet we keep on trying to reverse these roles to no avail. The lesson here is natural as it is attested to even by animal life and their method of procreation.

The Bible on the other hand, speaking the mind of God, is in one accord in attesting to this natural law. In the Book of Genesis, we read these sacred words: “So man gave names to all the cattle, the birds of the air and to every beast of the field. But he did not find among them a helper like himself. Then Yahweh God caused a deep sleep to come over man. He took one of his ribs and filled its place with flesh. The rib which Yahweh God had taken from man he formed into a woman and brought her to the man. The man then said, “Now this is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken from man. That is why man leaves his father and mother and is attached to his wife, and with her becomes one flesh”, (Gen. 2:20-25). From the biblical point of view the only companion suitable to man is woman. She was taken from man’s side so that the two may be friends and companions. She will be beside the man, different but as his equal. God did not create Adam and Steve; neither did he create Eve and Eva but Adam and Eve. Jesus Christ did not mince words when he addressed these words to his disciples, “Have you not read that in the beginning the creator made them male and female, and he said: “Man has now to leave father and mother, and joined to his wife, and the two shall become one body?” So they are no longer two but one body; let no one separate what God has joined” (Mt. 19:4-6).

It is worrisome therefore, to see that many States in the nation are introducing bills legalizing same sex marriage and others are calling for marriage reform to include the union between a man and man and a woman and woman. Do we think of the creator when we make these laws? Please do not get me wrong, I have no problem with people’s life style, neither am I condemning how someone chooses to express his or her sexuality. I do have a problem however, with people who try to force their life style down my throat. I certainly have a problem with people who are engaged in same sex union adopting children. Note: I am not saying that they cannot be good parents or anything like that; my concern is in the life style created for these children. I am concerned with the type of future we create for these children. Come to think of it, what would happen if everyone decides to get into same sex relationship, where would children come from for adoption? I just wonder!

Monday, March 7, 2011

No Religious Affiliation!

It fascinates me to note the number of people who profess not to have any faith or religion. Many times their designation in hospital is ‘no religious affiliation’. Yet these are the people who at times need prayer more than those who have religious affiliation. I have often had a discussion with people of this group as to how they want to be buried when they pass from this life to the next. Some of them have no clue; others do not care. Now the problem is that these people will have to be buried somehow. And someone will have to make a decision on their behalf, especially, if they do not have a Living Will or Advance Directive. Here then is where the problem comes in. Many times family members have to scout for where to ‘rent’ a church or a minister to bury their love one. In some of these gatherings, it is not uncommon to hear powerful eulogy testifying to the spirituality of the person so to be buried.

Life lesson: Once a man died and the family brought him to a Catholic Church for burial. As it is to be imagined, the pastor only knew the wife; the man never went to Church. During the homily, the pastor got up and spoke eloquently on the good qualities of the man, how he was a wonderful husband to his wife, and a great father to his children. How good a Christian he was. On hearing this the wife whispered to her son sitting by her side, ‘Junior go and take a good look at the coffin and make sure that the pastor is talking about your dad’.

I remember once having to bury a 74-year-old man who never entered a Church in his lifetime and the only justification for burring him, I was told, was that he had baptism of desire. Whoa! Isaiah the prophet admonishes us to “seek the Lord while he may be found, call on him while he is near” (55:6).  He also stresses, “the living, the living he thanks you as I do this day”, (Is. 38:19). It is when we are alive that we should seek the Lord not when we are dead. It is also wrong to let others worry about where we are to be buried and how that is to be done. An African proverb has it that one should look for a black goat while there is daylight for it will be impossible to find it at night.

So what should those who have no religious affiliation do before they die? After all they have no need of God. They should make sure that they have a living will. In this will they should state clearly what they want done to their body when they die. My humble advice is that they should opt for cremation. Or if they do not want cremation, then they should state the type of burial they prefer. This will take the burden of this decision off the shoulders of their family members. Since they preferred not to have a religious affiliation, I advise that they not be bothered with one. Family members should respect whatever decision was made before the demise of their love one. That is my humble opinion.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Be a Practical Christian!


We are asked by our Savior Jesus Christ to be doers of the Word and not hearers. Life’s lesson: If you ask your child to do something for you and he listens to you and walks away doing nothing, how will that make you feel? Happy? I doubt it! Would you say that he really cares about you? I hope not!  What about if he behaves like this time and time again and yet he tells you and everyone how much he loves and cares for you; would you believe him? Many times we hear spouses say, ‘I asked you to buy this or that for me, and you did not. Do you even hear me when I speak to you?’ If you have watched the TV programs ‘Everybody loves Raymond’ and ‘Yes Dear’, then you have an idea what I am talking about. The Word of God asks us to be doers and not just hearers of the Word.

James explains this in details when he stresses, “What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister has nothing to wear and has no food for the day, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, keep warm, and eat well” but do not give them the necessities of the body, what good is it? So also faith of itself, if it does not have works, is dead” (2:14-26). Being a practical Christian does not mean just hearing the Word of God but it also means putting it into action.

In his book ‘Sunday Homilies’, Mark Link tells a story of a young man who applied to teach religion in a Catholic high school in India. When the principal asked him if he were a practicing Catholic, he replied: “No, I am a Hindu; but I know Catholic teaching thoroughly. I went to Catholic schools all my life. I’d gladly take a test to prove my competency.” The principal explained to the young man that the heart of Catholicism lay not in knowing Catholic teaching but in living a faith-filled, Catholic life”. On this note Christ reminds us that it is “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven” Mt. 7:21). He goes on to stress that “Everyone who listens to these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock. The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and buffeted the house. But it did not collapse; it had been set solidly on rock. And everyone who listens to these words of mine but does not act on them will be like a fool who built his house on sand. The rain fell; the floods came, and the winds blew and buffeted the house. And it collapsed and was completely ruined” (Mt. 7:24).

So how can we be practicing Christians? Among other things, we must own and read the bible. The acronym ‘BIBLE’ can be translated to mean ‘Basic Instruction Before Leaving Earth’. It is in the bible that we get to know what Christ expects of us. St. Jerome made an excellent point when he observed that “ignorant of the Scripture means ignorant of Christ. Then we must begin to put what we read from the bible into action. Take what you read personally and act on it. For instance, if you read in Mt. 5:23, “therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift there at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift”. If there is anyone in your life that you bear a grudge, well, take it that God is talking to you. Go and do exactly what the bible tells you do. If you read that you should share what you have with others, it makes perfect sense to me, if you do just that, share what you have with others. If you put one teaching of Christ into action a day, before the end of the year, you will certainly be on the path of righteousness. Do this today! Remember, “If today you hear his voice harden not your hearts” (Ps. 95).

Saturday, March 5, 2011

What Seed are you planting?


A word, be it spoken or written, always has something to do with the person who speaks or writes it. There is power and inspiration in human words and through it we come in contact with a living person. The same can be said of the Word of God. As Isaiah tells us “The Word of God never returns ‘void’, but is always fertile”, (Is. 55:11). The power of God’s Word is like the germinal force of the Seed, which makes us hope for fruit and harvest. The Word of God is his seed planted in the hearts of his children.

So what kind of seed are you planting? What are you planting in your children, your friends and your co-workers? You know for sure that you will always reap what you sow. To plant a seed, life has taught us that we need, to prepare the ground. What type of soil are you preparing for your seed? How do you respond to God’s Word? There are three steps involved in doing this: receiving it with our minds, treasuring it in our hearts and practicing it in our lives. Practicing it involves acting on what our mind has received and what our heart has treasured. The seed we plant today will determine the type of harvest we will reap in future. Let our prayer be that we may respond to God’s world, not only with our whole mind and our whole heart but also with our whole soul. Have a good weekend!

Friday, March 4, 2011

Who will satisfy your thirst?

Besides a continued need for food and drink, for shelter and liberty, we have many more wishes and desires, sometimes even conflicting ones. We yearn for truth, freedom, justice, love, affection and appreciation, which require more perfect fulfillment time and time again. If you have been following the events in Algeria, Egypt, Tunisia, Libya and Bahrain, Iraq and Iran and many other countries demanding that their leaders step down you know the desires of many. Some times I am not sure many people even know what exactly they want. Yet, there is another kind of inner yearning of the human heart that is difficult to explain. In spite of all the efforts employed to quench this inner thirst, we still long for more. What is this inner emptiness that we all experience? Old Testament writers speak of it as a thirst for God. The Psalmist says, “As a deer longs for a stream of cool water, so I… thirst for you, the living God”, (Ps. 42). Isaiah calls us to, “come, everyone who is thirsty…come to me, (55:1-3). For Jeremiah God is a spring of fresh water”, (7:13). In Matthew’s Gospel Christ invites us to, “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest”, (12:28). The thirst we all feel is a thirst for God. It is the same inner thirst that people have experienced since the beginning of time. St. Augustine stated it clearly when he noted that “Our hearts are made for God, and they will not rest, until they rest in God”. Our hearts, indeed, have a God-shaped hole in them, that only God can fill.

Frank Sheed was on target when he observed that the human heart has a spiritual thirst, but instead of helping people satisfy this spiritual thirst, in a spiritual way, we give them material things. In John’s Gospel chapter 4 Christ offers to satisfy the yearning of a Samaritan woman’s heart. He says to her, “If you knew the gift of God and who is saying to your, ‘Give me a drink’, you would have asked him and he would have given you the living water”. Jesus is right here in our midst, living among us and is eager to assist us in our needs. But we always keep him aloof, at the edge of our lives. We really keep him away from us and outside of where we live, outside our life. We keep him at a distance. To our everyday living, we see him as a stranger. The things that make our day we think Christ is not interested in them. The thirst in our hearts, we believe Christ does not know. And all the time, our hearts go thirsty. They thirst for peace and love, for security and safety, for health and happiness. But instead of looking for Christ, we go digging our shallow holes to get water. We come here, and we go there, we turn somewhere else, trying to find something to satisfy our thirst. We try money, drink, power, love, sex, drugs and alcohol. We are like the people Jeremiah speaks of when he says, “My people have abandoned me, the fountain of living water, only to dig cisterns for themselves, leaky cisterns that hold no water’ (2:3)

So the question is who will satisfy the desire of your heart? Is it something or somebody? Or God? If you have tired everything and everyone and they fail you, why not try God?

Thursday, March 3, 2011

On Being a Christian

I often wonder why people chose to be Christians? One thing is sure Christ never promised anyone a comfortable life. In fact if it were in the world of business, Christ would not be hired as a public relations personnel. He warns us thus, “If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever loses his life for my sake will save it”, (Lk. 9:23-24). What! In another place he says, “Foxes have dens, birds of the sky have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to rest his head”, (Mt. 8:20). So? Again he says, “Do not think that I have come to bring peace upon the earth. I have come to bring not peace but the sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and one’s enemies will be those of his household”, (Mt 10:34-36). What about this other words of Jesus, “Go sell what you have and give the money to the poor, and you will have riches in Heaven. Then come and follow me”, (Mk. 10:21).

There are other profound teachings that would make a would-be Christian weak in the knee and even cause him or her to change his or her mind about actually becoming a Christian. Forgive, don’t be angry, do not judge, do not call your brothers and sisters names, settle with your opponents quickly, do not commit adultery, do not divorce your wife, do not swear, offer no resistance to one who is evil, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, give alms and pray at all times putting all your trust in your heavenly father. These are all very powerful words that come from the lips of our Savior and Master, Jesus Christ. And anyone who lives by these words cannot but experience the kind of peace that the world cannot give. No wonder the psalmist says, “Great peace have they who love your law, oh Lord”, (Ps. 119:165).

Being a Christian calls on us to stand up and stand out. It demands that we be different. Everything I have written in the first paragraph points to the revolutionary stand that a Christian must take in order to bring about a radical change in society. It is only those who adhere to the teaching of Christ that will experience the joy of being a Christian. Christ warns, “Unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Scribes and Pharisees you will not enter into the kingdom of Heaven”, (Mt. 5:20). It is not enough to be like everyone else but we must add value to the life of everyone one else. Being a Christian does not mean taking a walk in the park with fragrance of flowers caressing our nose while the birds fill the air with their melodious songs. No, it is much more than that. It means being the light in the darkness so that people will see the light of God and seek to follow it. Yes, being a disciple costs not less than everything. We must certainly deny ourselves and follow in the footsteps of the Master daily. That is what it means to be a Christian, doing what Christ wants me to do, not what I want. It means answering the call to be a child of God in word and in deed. This was how Christ saw his mission in the world. “Sacrifice and offering you did not desire, but a body you prepared for me; holocausts and sin offerings you took no delight in. Then I said, “As it is written of me in the scroll, Behold, I come to do your will, O God.’” (Heb. 10:9). Now I know why people become Christians and why I am one myself. It is in following Christ that I find myself and in finding myself, I find the God who created me for himself.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Detachment

There is an axiom that teaches us a great lesson of life but few people pay heed to or pause to reflect on it. You know the axiom well enough to recall it even before I do. “If you love something set it free, if it comes back it’s yours; if not it was not meant for you”. How true! We have many times found ourselves in a bind, no, in a quagmire of triangulated relationship that we thought it was only right to stay in there and gradually rot away. On the other hand, we have manipulated people and forced them to stay in a painful and hostile relationship even against their will only to congratulate ourselves for the job well done. Many parents are guilty of this, doing things for their children even when they know they should not and after wards they tell their children, see how much I have done for you yet you do not appreciate it. If you ask me, I will say this, after a certain age, you do not owe your children anything except to love them and just be there for them. It is at times like this that the children should reciprocate their parents’ love.

Detachment is an act of loving and letting go. There is a powerful story in Mark’s Gospel 10: 18-27 that demonstrates this point. This is a story about the rich young man who went to Jesus to enquire about what he had to do in order to have eternal life. Christ instructed him to keep the commandments. He reported that he had kept the commandments since his childhood. “Then Jesus looked steadily at him and loved him and said, “For you, one thing is lacking. Go sell what you have and give the money to the poor, and you will have riches in Heaven. Then come and follow me”. On hearing these words, his face fell and he went away sorrowfully for he was a man of great wealth. Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for those who have riches to enter the kingdom of God”.

So what was the young man’s problem? Is being rich a bad thing? Was Christ condemning those who are rich? By no means! The issue at stake here is detachment. The young man’s problem is his attachment to material things and this sets him at variance with his quest for spiritual things. Having material things is a blessing from God. Many biblical characters were very rich indeed. Let us take a brief roll call. Abraham? He was a rich man. Jacob? Rich. David? Rich. Solomon? Multimillionaire. Amos? A rich man, etc. The problem is not being rich but what to do with your wealth. You see, God did not bless you with wealth to be kept for yourself. He gave you material things so that you may use them to bless others. But when you are attached to your wealth to the point that you cannot share it with others that is where condemnation comes in. Attachment to material things does not guarantee our happiness. On his teaching on avarice Christ has this message for us all, “Watch, and be on your guard against avarice of any kind, for a man’s life is not made secure by what he owns, even when he has more than he needs’, Lk. 12:15.

Our experience in life has made us to think we need this person or that person in order to be happy; that we must drive this car or that to be comfortable or that we have to be in this particular relationship, even when it is suffocating us, to feel good about myself. These are all wrong assumptions and thinking like this creates a distorted worldview that has imprisoned us and deprives us of happiness. No one can give us happiness; nothing can guarantee it. Happiness is within us. Look at all the movie and TV stars and consider how much money they have; then look at their life style and then measure their degree of happiness. Does it not seem to you that many poor people are happier than they are? We have to confront our false assumptions and distorted views to life. In order to be free to live and love we have to let go of our attachments. Once we let go of these nightmarish attachments, they will no longer have any power over us; then we will understand what happiness truly is. Remember: the best of friends do not live in each other’s pocket. Let go and let God!  

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Trust


This five-letter word means believing in somebody or in something so powerfully that you are prepared to go at any length for that person or that thing. It means being able to predict what other people will do and what situations will occur. This word can make or mare a relationship. That is exactly what happens if the first letter ‘T’ is removed from trust. In this case we are left with the word rust. Many a good and trusting relationship has been rusted due to betrayal of trust. And yet life has taught us that we cannot live meaningful life without trusting. Remember the last time you said to your friend, “I will never trust you again?’

A person who does not trust is suspicious of everything and everybody. This person is paranoid. He or she may be suffering from paranoid personality disorder. He suspects, without sufficient basis, that others are exploiting, harming or deceiving him or her. He or she is always preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trustworthiness of his/her friends and associates. He/she is reluctant to confide in others because of unwarranted fear that the information will be used maliciously against him or her.  He/she reads hidden demeaning or threatening meanings into benign remarks or events. Persistently bears grudges; is unforgiving of insults, injuries or slights. Perceives attacks on his/her character or reputation that are not apparent to others and is quick to react angrily or to counterattack. Has recurrent suspicions, without justification, regarding fidelity of spouse or sexual partner (Abnormal Psychology).   Since this is a disorder, the point of this posting is not dysfunctional mistrust that is a ground for diagnosing someone with paranoid personality. This posting is rather considering the basic life lesson of trust as a foundation for a healthy relationship be it between God and us or between friends and friends.

We cannot live without trust in one form or the other. Remember when you went to buy sugar? How were you sure that the box that had sugar drawn on it really had sugar cubes inside. You see! You still have some ounce of trust left in you. When you went to bed last night, how sure were you that you would wake up in the morning? You had to trust God some how. No wonder Psalm 125:1 reminds us “Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion which cannot be moved, but abides forever”. Reechoing this sentiment, Isaiah the prophet says, “Those who trust in the Lord for help will find their strength renewed. They will rise on wings like eagles! They will run and not become weary; they will walk and not grow weak!” (40:31).

The truth of the matter is that before anyone stopped trusting, become baptized and changed his or her name to Mr. or Mrs. Paranoid, he or she must have had his or her fingers burnt in the fire of trust. How can you forget when your best and trusted friend betrayed you? What about when your loyal and trusting girl friend stabbed you at the back and made away with your boy friend, today they are happily married and have three children while you are still single? Think of when your best friend whom, you shared your indiscretions with and you even confided your deepest secrets to him. Yet when you were considered for promotion, he went to the authorities and divulged your secret so that you lost that promotion for him. Today you are still his subordinate while he lords it over you. Need I say more? Consider Julius Cesar and Brutus? Et Brute were the only words Julius Cesar could utter as he kissed death brought about partly by the sword of his trusting and bosom friend, Brutus. Somebody stop me please, it is too painful to on! You mean Judas Iscariot betraying his faithful and trusting master Jesus Christ? What can I say about people like Bernie Madoff who steal millions from those who trusted their fraudulent investments while they were winning and dining with them?

The list is long and the reasons are myriads, why we stopped trusting. Ha! Betrayal of trust and mean things done to us should not triumph over our life. Bad people should not detect how we live. We should not give that power of control over our lives to anybody. The world is still full of good and wonderful people who are worthy of our trust. We only need to open our eyes, be alert and good people who deserve our trust will walk into our lives once again. To stop trusting is to stop loving, and when we stop loving we stop living, and when we stop living we are dead. Life has taught us that we should embrace the world like a lover, expecting two reactions: acceptance or rejection. If life should throw rejection our way then we must pick our broken lives up and move on. Let us keep on trusting until it hurts. For that is exactly how God trusts and cares for us even as we are at times very undeserving of his trust.