Giving to God - Tithe

Giving to God means giving ourselves completely, entirely and totally to God. It means giving back to God what he has given to us. It means sharing in his generosity, his magnanimity and his grandiosity. We give to God in three ways. We give of our time, our talent and our treasure. Does this sound too much? I doubt it!

So what is tithe? Giving in tithe means giving of a tenth of one’s earning to God. This precept is biblical. All the children of Israel are exhorted to reciprocate God’s generosity. Moses makes offering the foundation of a believer’s faith. It states, “Every year separate the tenth part from the yield of what you have sown in your fields. In the presence of Yahweh, in the place he has chosen as the dwelling place for his Name, you shall eat the tithe of your wheat, your oil and your wine, and the firstlings of your herd and flock that you may learn to honor Yahweh, your God, all the days of your life. The journey may be too long for you to bring those tithes to the place Yahweh has chosen as a dwelling place for his name. In that case, when Yahweh your God, blesses you, exchange them all for money. Take the money in your hand and go to the place chosen by Yahweh. There you shall buy whatever you like – oxen or sheep, or wine or strong drink – anything you like. And there you shall eat in the presence of Yahweh, and shall rejoice – you and your household. And do not forget the Levite who dwells in your cities, since he has nothing of his own and no inheritance as you have. Every three years, separate, the tithes of all the years harvest but store them in the city. Then the Levite among you, who has no inheritance of his own, and the foreigner, the orphan and the widow who live in your cities may come and eat, and be satisfied. So Yahweh will bless all the works of your hands, all that you undertake.” This therefore is the Law of Moses and it is the foundation of the Law of tithe offering” (Deut.14:22-29).

Psalm 37 stresses that “The just one has compassion, he gives and lends; and in the end, he owns the land while the unjust one borrows and does not repay and in the end, he is thrown out of the land”. The person who knows how to give does not squander: he is content with what he has and lacks nothing, while one who refuses to give never has enough and never feels happy, (Prov. 11:24).

The law of tithing is as old as the Old Testament of the Bible. In Genesis 14:20, we hear these words, “And Abraham gave him a tenth part of everything.” It will be interesting to read the full story in the Book of Genesis 14:14-24. Here we note that the gift was given to Melchizedek who was a priest of the Most High God. When Abraham gave Melchizedek a tenth part of everything, Abraham went away richer with the joy of having heard from the lips of this stranger, words which confirmed God’s blessing on him. Moreover, when Jacob had a dream he exclaimed, “This stone which I have set up will be God’s house, and of all that you give me. I will give back a tent” (Gen. 28:10-22).

When we give to God, we acknowledge that our blessing comes from God and in giving back to God we share in his generosity. Prophet Malachi, on the other hand, attributes the misfortune of people to the fact that they are not offering God his due. Once they offer their gift freely to God, he will open up the treasure of his blessing on the house of Jacob. He did not mince words when he addressed the children of Israel in their obligation to give their tithe to God. “Surely I, the Lord, do not change, nor do you cease to be sons of Jacob. Since the days of your fathers you have turned aside from my statutes, and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you, says the Lord of hosts. Yet you say, “How must we return?” Dare a man rob God? Yet you are robbing me! And you say, “How do we rob you?” In tithes and in offerings! You are indeed accursed, for you, the whole nation; rob me. Bring the whole tithe into the store house, that there may be food in my house, and try me in this, says the Lord of hosts: shall I not open for you the floodgates of heaven, to pour down blessing upon you without measure” (Malachi 3:6-10).

Jesus Christ talks a lot about giving a tithe but he also called on us not to neglect the more serious act of justice, love and mercy. “A cures is on you, Pharisees; for the Temples you give a tenth of all, including mint and rue and the other herbs, but you neglect justice and the love of God. This ought to be practiced, without neglecting the other” (Lk. 11:42). The greatest gift we can ever give to God is the gift of ourselves. We must therefore present ourselves to God every Sunday if we cannot do it everyday. 

Giving a Gift to others

To give means to share what you have with others. Giving to others means to give a gift, to give in charity, to give alms or to make a donation. But to give to God is called giving a tithe, giving of 10 percent of your earning to God. Giving in this way is a participation in the generosity of God. God gives to us abundantly and he can’t stop giving. He does not give because we are good or bad, not because we are rich or poor, not because we are tall or short; neither does he give because of the color of our skin or the creed we profess. No. He gives because it is his nature to give.

Life has taught us that if there is anything God cannot do is that he cannot count! Or rather He does not want to count. Have you ever seen a mango tree filled with mangoes? Try to count the mangoes on that tree! Or any other fruit tree for that matter. Have you ever experienced rainfall or felt sunray or your skin? He who created us knows our needs and provides them accordingly. Hence what I am sure about tomorrow is that providence will rise before the dawn. God cannot stop giving just as he cannot stop loving. Simply put, it is not God’s nature not to give, not to love, not to bless his children providing for them at all times. God blesses some with abundance so that they too may bless their brothers and sisters. Here then is the problem. Those that God has blessed have often refused to bless others.

Many times we give with wrong intention, giving with the intention of being paid back in return. But the best gift is the one we hope for no return. Christ’s teaching is clear at this point. “But take care not to perform righteous deeds in order that people may see them; otherwise, you will have no recompense from your heavenly Father. When you give alms, do not blow a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in streets to win the praise of others. …But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right is doing, so that your almsgiving may be secret. And your Father who see in secret will repay you” (Mt. 6:1-4). When we give without knowing who benefits from our generosity then our gift becomes a blessing even unto ourselves. Christ has words of wisdom to confirm this. Listen: “Give and gifts will be given to you; a good measure, packed together, shaken down, and overflowing, will be poured into your lap. For the measure with which you measure will in return be measured out to you”, (Lk. 6:38).

Another important point to note about giving is that when we give, it is really to God that we give. To demonstrate this point a story taken from life’s lesson is apt here. A legend has it that one day while riding his steed, St. Francis came upon a beggar who was also a leper, shivering in the cold. On impulse, Francis got down from his horse, embraced the beggar, and wrapped his coat around him. That night St. Francis dreamed that he died. In heaven he saw Jesus sitting on his throne, wearing the coat. Jesus assures us, “whatever you did for one of the least of these, you did for me”, (Mt. 25:40). Let us give for it better to give than to receive. I will conclude this posting with the prayer of St. Francis. Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy. O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive. Tomorrow’s posting will be on giving to God – Tithe. 

Let us talk about Love

I don’t think there is any word in English language that is bastardized and misunderstood as the word love. Love has different connotations for different people depending on the person using it and for the purpose the person wants to convey by its usage. Many people use the word love for selfish reasons. Others use the word as a manipulative weapon so as to achieve their selfish inclinations. Yet love is the last bastion for our civilization. It is the only instrument that has the power to save the world from anarchy and chaos. “Love”, according to Martin Luther King, Jr., “is creative, understanding goodwill for all men”.

The Greek language has three words for love. First, it talks about love as eros. Plato sees eros as yearning of the soul for the realm of the gods. This is romantic love. Everyone has experienced eros in all its ramifications at one point or the other. Most of the time when young people talk of love, it is this eros that is at the root of it all. This love most of the time originates from infatuation and lust. This is not all together bad if handled properly for from this type of love comes powerful friendships that have resulted in marriage. The second type of love in Greek language is philia. This is a type of intimate affection between personal friends. Philia is a beautiful feeling that we have towards those we call our friends, who love us because we love them. You like the person because the person likes you and you want to go have dinner with the person or you want to go and see a movie with the person. You like to communicate with this person because you have certain things in common.

Another word for love in Greek language is agape. Agape is more than eros; it is more than philia. According to Martin Luther King Jr., “Agape is something of the understanding, creative, redemptive goodwill for all people. It is a love that seeks nothing in return. It is an overflowing love; it’s what theologians would call the love of God working in the lives of men. And when you rise to love on this level, you begin to love people, not because they are likable, but because God loves them”. This is the kind of love that Christ demonstrated on the cross when he died for us all. This love seeks nothing for self but seeks the good of the other. St. Paul refers to this type of love in his letter to the Corinthians 13:1-12. He says, “If I speak in human and angelic tongues, but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal… Love is patient; love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated, is not rude, it does not seek its own interest, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things”. Come to think of it, when we look at St. Paul’s understanding of the word love, do we measure up to its true meaning? Many parents have tried to love their children unconditionally. Yet many times they fall short of the true meaning of love. And yet this is what God did for us. “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life”, (John 3:16). This is the kind of love we should have for one another. So I ask you, the last time you told someone you loved him or her, what did you really mean?

The Tongue

Students of school of life have related many experiences they have learnt and they constantly attempt to pass these lessons on to those who are willing to learn from them. The lessons are free but many refuse to learn to their own peril. One of such lessons is about a hunter who encountered a talking skull during one of his hunting expeditions in the forest. The skull informed the hunter that if he were not careful with his tongue, he too would find himself resting by his side in the heart of the forest. The hunter, the story has it, was shocked and surprised that a skull could talk to him. He ran out of the forest straight to the palace of the king and narrated his ordeal to the king. On hearing this, the king summoned his advisers and councilors so that they would hear the story of the hunter. The hunter repeated his story and recounted how he saw a skull in the forest and what the skull told him. He reported that he was prepared to go and fetch the skull so that the king, his advisers and councilors could see it with their eyes and hear it speak with their ears. He went on to say that if the skull would not speak to the king, the king should cut off his own head. (He was so sure of himself)  The council of the king accepted his proposal and he was dispatched to the forest so that he could bring the skull in.

The hunter went to the forest where he found the skull at the exact position that it was when he first saw it. He then picked the skull up and brought it to the presence of the king and his council. On dropping the skull, he ordered the skull to tell the king and his council what it told him. But the skull did not utter a word. He commanded, cajoled, begged and pleaded with the skull to speak to the king, but the skull did not answer him a word. Finally, the king, his advisers and councilors decided that they had had enough. They took counsel and decided that the hunter’s head should be cut off, and that the two heads should be thrown into the forest. This was done: the hunter’s head was cut off and together with the skull dumped into the forest. When the dispatchers had left, the skull turned round and spoke these words to the hunter: “remember what I had told you, that if you did not guard your tongue you will one day lie side by side with me here in the forest? Here you are just like I had said, lying side by side with me”.

This short story says it all about the power of the tongue. The third chapter of the letter of St. James is devoted to the power of the tongue. James says, “if a person is without fault in speech he is a man in the fullest sense, because he can control his entire body. When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we guide the rest of their bodies. It is the same with ships: however large they are, and despite the fact that they are driven by fierce winds, they are directed by very small rudders on whatever our course the steersman’s impulse may select. The tongue is something like that. It is small member, yet it makes great pretensions” (James 3:2-5). Many friendships have been sacrificed on the altar of the unguarded tongue. Many have suffered abuses and betrayal because of the wrong use of the tongue. Friends we trusted and shared our inmost secrets with have divulged our secrets and brought us down because of the tiny body part called the tongue.

Let us listen to our brother James again: “See tiny the spark is that sets a huge forest ablaze! The tongue is such a flame. It exists among our members as a whole universe of malice. The tongue defiles the entire body. Its flames encircle our course from birth, and its fire is kindled by hell. Every form of life, four-footed or winged, crawling or swimming, can be tamed and has been tamed, by mankind; the tongue no man can tame. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. We use it to say, “Praised be the Lord and Father”; then we use it to curse men, though they are made in the likeness of God” (James 3:6-11).

It is sad that many times this restless tongue of ours is so prone to evil that it says things that are not true about our friends. This is malicious! Before we pass on information about our brothers and sisters, do we even bother to check the facts? Do we ask ourselves if this is the kind of information we would like to be passed on about ourselves? I dare say that we should take a step further to see how important and beneficial this information should be if we pass it on to others. In using my tongue, it could be good to ask how I would be comfortable to confront my friend with this information before I pass it on. The book of Proverbs observes, “A man’s belly shall be satisfied with the fruit of his mouth; and with the increase of his lips shall he be filled. Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof” (18:20-21).

God gave us the tongue to use it in praising him, in lifting up one another, in correcting one another in love. Let us be kind to one another in the use of our tongue. Remember the golden rule, do to no one what you do not want done to you. Let us use our tongue to bless rather than use it to bring sadness to one another. May God bless you, may he let his face shed its light upon you. May he be gracious to you now and always!

Seeing the World through the eyes of a Child

Ever given a thought to why Christ exhorts us not lead children astray? I have given a lot of thought to this and the more I think about it the more sense it makes to me. Children are innocent, trusting, loving with no pretense, sincere and honest in dealing with their friends and very loyal too. They are quick to forgive and ready to forget. They are pure and modest, caring and compassionate. Children do not think that anything is impossible for their parents. For them their parents are super heroes. Their faith is unflinching. They are committed, energetic, passionate and hopeful that whatever they undertake will turn out well, even if they are not sure how to get there. A child works hard at his or her play and has no care in the world so long as an adult is nearby. Here are few reasons I can think of why Christ stresses “Let the children come to me; do not prevent them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these”. He further warns us: “Amen I say to you, whoever does not accept the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it” (Mk. 10:13-15). Do we, adults, have these qualities?

I am always fascinated at the sense of wonder and awe that I often observe in the faces of children when they play or undertake an adventure. For them time always come to a stand still. It is like they are always in search of adventure and when they find one they are awe struck by it. Children are inquisitive, they want to discover new things, to learn new ways of doing things and they are excited when they are acknowledged, appreciated and most of all they bloom when they are loved. Don’t you just love children?

Christ has very strong words for those who lead children astray. He says, “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great milestone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of things that cause sin! Such things must come, but woe to the one through whom they come!” (Mt. 18:6-7).  Hence, sins committed against children cry out to heaven for vengeance. When we lead children astray we steal from them their sense of innocence. We betray their trust and initiate them into a life of sin, of cheating, lying, stealing and finally killing.

Looking at the world with the eye of a child means embracing a life of wholeness and holiness. It means trusting God absolutely and depending on him entirely for our every need. It means working as if everything depends on us and praying for everything depends on God. It means opening our eyes to the wonder of creation and being awed by its awesomeness and immensity. It means being quick to forgive and being willing to forget the past. May we take no love for granted and embrace everyone as a child of God, thinking not of the color of their skin nor the language they speak. May we appreciate every gratitude we receive and acknowledge our daily blessings! This is how children, who are not corrupted by adults, see the world. Life has many lessons to teach us in children, let us learn these lessons and see the world through their own eyes! Hence the Lord says, “Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven” (Mt. 18:3-4).

In Search of Peace

Life has taught us that we should be at peace with God, with our neighbors and with ourselves. There is a life story to demonstrate this point. A young man went out to steal for the first time. His chance came when a woman parked her car and left the ignition key inside and went into the mall. The young man approached the car, opened the door and got inside. He however saw hanging on the rear mirror an inscription: ‘Peace be with you’. These words struck him so powerfully that he changed his mind. Instead of taking the woman’s car, he left the car with a note, “it was my intention to steal your car, but when I saw your hanging, peace be with you, I thought to myself, if I steal your car, I would deprive you of peace and I will know no peace myself. I decided not to steal your car. By the way, this was my first attempt. So please in future, remember to lock your car and remove the key from the ignition. ‘Peace be with you!’ Would be thief”.

In some parts of the world people are greeted with peace. In the Gambia, the common greeting is ‘Sala-male-kum’ and the answer is ‘male-kum-salem’, this means ‘let there peace’ and the response is ‘peace only’. Shalom is commonly used also to wish peace to people. This means that peace is a common quest for everyone. Though we talk about peace and wish everyone peace, do we really have peace? If we take a cursory glance around the world, our environment and our cities, do we really see peace? We have been following the activities of the Middle East, how nations are fed up with their leaders and demonstrate for peace. We are also appalled as these leaders put a lot of resistance and cling to power. As a result many have lost their lives in the process. Whenever there is inequality and fair distribution of wealth among people in the state, in a country or in a community, there is bound to be conflict and civil strife.

Are we doing all it takes to fight for peace? Consider the toys we give our children, the video games we distribute at Christmas and the many violent films we watch. Think of our utterances and the company we keep. There seem to be violence everywhere. No wonder why there is no peace. Yet we are Christians.

How can we capture the essence of peace? In my opinion the answer lies in the way we live. We must change our attitude to life and pursue the things that will bring us peace. If we want peace, we have to work for it. This is not just wishful thinking or something we say. Peace should be something we do. Ps. 71 reminds us that in his days justice shall flourish and peace till the moon be no more. This refers to the days of Christ, the days of God. If we are filled with the glory of God, then we will work for peace. Christ assures us of the blessing that will be received by those who work for peace. “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God” (Mt. 5:9). Is it possible to, by any chance, learn the life's lesson from the would be theif?

Let us Talk Forgiveness 4 - Forgiveness of God

Forgiveness theorists suggest that the experience of forgiveness is different if one is forgiving another, receiving another’s forgiveness or forgiving oneself, or receiving God’s forgiveness. But it is different if a person finds fault with God or blames God for his or her problems. The book of Genesis made it clear that God was happy with all his creation and indeed saw that everything was good. The struggle between good and evil has been in the world as far back as creation itself. The blame game all started when Adam and Eve sinned and disobeyed God. When asked what had happened Adam passed the blame to the woman and the woman passed it on to the snake. Since the snake could not speak, it seems the blame went back to God, perhaps for giving man free will. When I blame God for my problems, I am indirectly blaming Him for the problems of the world. I am blaming Him for the gift of free will, so freely given to me to choose to do the good and shun evil. I am refusing to take responsibility for my actions. God’s forgiveness is unconditional. As Henry Nouwen, the spiritual writer rightly observed, “it comes from a heart that does not demand anything for itself, a heart that is completely empty of self-seeking”. Whenever I feel that God is responsible for my brokenness, my hurt and anguish, may be I have not been thankful enough for the many blessings that I have received. Could my hurt be telling me something about myself rather than about what God has done to me?

My thinking that God is responsible for my situation in life challenges me to my need for gratitude and compliments from others. It demands of me to move beyond the wounded part of my heart that feels hurt and wronged and wants to stay in control. It calls on me to put on a new heart and a new way of looking at the world and people around me. I must come to the awareness of who I am and how I have allowed my brokenness to keep me from growing to the full maturity God intended for me.

Forgiving God means accepting who I am as a gift from God. It means climbing over the wall of my smallness or as Nouwen put it, “the wall of arguments and angry feelings that I have erected between myself and all those whom I love but who so often do not return that love. It is a wall of fear of being used or hurt again. It is a wall of pride, and the desire to stay in control. But every time that I can step or climb over that wall, I enter into the house where the Father dwells, and there touch my neighbor with genuine compassionate love”. We cannot go through life without forgiveness. Forgiving self, others and God is a necessary condition to a fulfilled life. Without forgiveness we are a walking time bomb waiting for the appropriate time to explode, the explosion of which will have a disastrous and a monumental effect both on the self and the community at large. How can we not forgive God, the author of forgiveness itself, or do we really need to forgive God? Should we not rather pray that we be forgiven by God who has loved us so much that He gave us his Son to die for our sins so that we may still find our way back to Him. For those who have many reasons not to forgive, look at Christ on the Cross and ask yourself a question did he really deserve that? If not then why did he pray for God “to forgive them for they do not know what they are doing?” If Christ forgave those who killed him on the Cross then why not forgive those who did not kill you but only hurt you?

Let us Talk Forgiveness 3 - Forgiveness of others

If forgiving self is difficult, one can only image how difficult it would be to forgive others. The Latin axiom “nemo dat quod non habet”, is very true in this and other circumstances in life. We cannot give what we do not possess. If I find it difficult to forgive myself, it will certainly be most difficult to forgive others, especially if those others have hurt me or those I love. According to Ratzinger (Pope Benedict), man stands in need of forgiveness, which is really at the heart of all true reform. He maintained that there is nothing magical about forgiveness. “Neither is it a fictitious forgetting, a refusal to accept the truth, but an entirely real process of change carried out by the Sculptor. The removal of guilt gets rid of something; the proof that forgiveness has come in us is that penance springs up from us. Forgiveness is in this sense an active-passive event: the creative word of power that God speaks to us produces the pain of conversion and thus becomes an active self-transformation”

That we must forgive is more for the good of the victim than for the victimizer. If we don’t forgive, each time we come across our victimizer, the feeling inside us could only be likened to someone who drinks a poisonous concoction hoping that the poison will kill the enemy. Desmond Tutu of South Africa understood this concept clearly. After the apartheid regime in South Africa, South Africans felt that “to forgive is not just to be altruistic. It is the best form of self-interest”. Anger, resentment and revenge can neither build nor restore what was lost; and certainly they do not make for a peaceful co-existence. Forgiving others of whatever hurt that has been done to us is to free ourselves to love. It is an invitation to the other to experience the meaning of life; a life lived in a new and transforming way. Henry Nouwen, the spiritual writer pointed out that “to convert hostility into hospitality requires the creation of the friendly empty space where we can reach out to our fellow human beings and invite them to a new relationship”. To move from hurt to forgiveness in order to experience this inner relationship and transformation we need a lot of courage and personal commitment. This cannot be forced on anyone and no one should be manipulated or coerced into it, it must develop from within, it is a personal call, and a deep felt need, to be in peace with the self and the other.

To forgive others is a conscious choice that must be made individually. We are free to choose to forgive or not to forgive. If our choice is to forgive others, then the resultant possibility is a deep, sincere and unexplained joy. Karl Jaspers, the Existential philosopher once observed, “What makes us afraid is our great freedom in the face of the emptiness that has still to be filled”. Isn’t it true that most people try to avoid this reality a great deal of the time? But then we are constantly in the roller coaster of making choices, whether we admit it or not. Since we are most certain that each of our decisions lead us in a particular direction away from a contra-choice, we must then pursue the one choice that really matter, the choice to forgive those who hurt us.

The story of Marietta Jaeger Lane is very pertinent at this point to demonstrate the effect of forgiveness. Marietta’s story as recorded in the Journal of Religion & Spirituality in Social Work: Social Thought volume 23, Number 1/2 makes a very interesting reading. Marietta is a founding Board Member of Murder Victims Families for Reconciliation (MVFR). Her seven-year-old daughter was kidnapped, raped and murdered. She recalled the endless search that accompanied the disappearance and her fear and concern for her daughter; and how the fear gave way to “anger, searing hatred, and a vicious desire for the torturous death of this person who caused this to happen”. She recounted how she told her husband: “even if the kidnapper were to bring Susie back this moment, alive and well, I could kill him for what he as done to our family”. She reasoned with herself that though she knew that forgiveness was expected of Christians her condition was different, her daughter was innocent and defenseless and she was the mother. She pointed out that in her anger, she felt that God had spoken to her about the need for forgiveness, “But that’s not how I want you to feel”. She opined that God was asking her to let go of her rage and the desire for revenge. According to her, “God was calling me to let go of my hate - the violence within me- and I was resisting, refusing, justified and righteous, so very human”.

Forgiving in a circumstance such as this is difficult indeed especially when you feel that you have done nothing to merit the hurt, pains, abuse or injury inflicted on you. This therefore, is where humanity kisses divinity. Marietta recounted that she knew that hatred was not healthy, that she had seen for herself, in family members and friends, the unhappiness and unhealthiness that anger and un-forgiveness could bring to people; and if she gave herself that kind of rage and revenge, it would obsess and consume her, and in the end she would be of no good to help anyone. She made a conscious choice, to forgive the daughter’s kidnapper. With the decision to forgive, she said, she felt a huge burden lift from her.

The inability to forgive hurts could be attributed partly to unnecessary attachment to things and people. Many people are broken today due to a mistaken type of love and affection. According to Rilke the poet, young people often grievously go wrong in their false notion of love. They throw themselves into each other, as it is their nature without patience and often find themselves in utter confusion. With confusion comes disappointment. What once brought them joy has now turned to sadness, hatred, brokenness and hurt. Forgiveness is hard to come by in a situation of confusion and disappointment. Often they blame everybody around them including God. They think that God has put them in a mess that they may not be able to come out. The lesson of life therefore, dear friends, is that the three dimensions of forgiveness must be seen as one whole spectrum of events. The three must go hand in hand. There is no quick fix in our quest for forgiveness. In the next posting I will conclude this reflection with the forgiveness of God. Have fun and learn to live a free and forgiving life!

Let us Talk Forgiveness 2 - Forgiveness of Self

Many years ago, I worked in a rural parish in Northern Nigeria. One evening a young woman came into my office. She was heavily burdened and wanted someone to confide in, someone to listen to her, someone she could share her pains with, someone just to be there for her. I invited her in and she told me her story. At the end, she broke down in tears and sobbed uncontrollably. I thought she was overwhelmed with a sense of shame and guilt and yet joyful that having spoken to me she was relived. I was wrong! I asked her if she believed that God had forgiven her. To my dismay, her answer was in the negative. When she left my office, I processed my meeting with this young woman. It occurred to me that she had promised herself that she would not make certain choices or indulge in certain behaviors. Due to her weakness she let her guards down and did some of those things she promised herself she would not do. She was sad that she had let herself down and she was filled with so much guilt, shame and regrets that she was determined never to forgive herself. With this distortion in her thought, she felt that neither God nor any other person would ever forgive her. She felt so guilty that she could not continue to carry out her religious responsibilities as she hitherto did. She became closed in on herself and refused to mix again freely with her friends. Her Christianity had nothing to do with God; it was all about herself. Dayringer was on target when he noted, “individuals who know they have sinned are unable to face their community as they did before. Therefore confession is more than mere catharsis; it is the process of making social what had been otherwise an isolated experience.”

The young woman was concerned about her happiness: going to Church, seeking to worship God on her own terms. I tried to help her see that going to Church is not all about herself but more so about God. It is my contention that without an honest introspection and a sincere desire to understand our motives and the willingness to accept ourselves after making mistakes and the determination to move on in life, forgiveness of self will continue to elude us as the biblical snake continues to search for its legs. Isaiah 1:18 reminds us that “though your sins be like scarlet, they may become white as snow; though they be crimson red, they may become white as wool”. How do we begin to examine the reasons and intentions of our act? How do we make the unknown known so as to avoid the pitfalls of life? I dare say that this is a process; to rediscover the need to forgive ourselves if we hope to offer forgiveness to others and accept same ourselves.

I see forgiveness of self as being linked to and intertwined with the love of self. Pope Benedict XVI, on loving neighbor (others) as you love yourself notes that “it does not demand any fantastic heroism nor does it mean self-abasement. It does not also mean that you must be subsumed or submerged into others so that you make yourself less and others more. Rather it means that you must love others as you love yourself.” Nothing more. Nothing less. Nothing else. He further stressed that “People who are dissatisfied with themselves will not be really good to others. Those who do not accept themselves take exception to others”.

The first step towards forgiveness of self is an acceptance of self. Forgiveness of self and being completely at home with self with warts and all is only possible when we believe that on our own we are weak human beings prone to make mistakes. The secret to accepting self is not to compare self with others. When we compare ourselves with others, it is obvious that others may either be better than us or we may be better than others. We will always find something in others that we desire in ourselves, and this may be the root cause of the disharmony and the discontent within the self. We should rather compare ourselves with God. This makes it easier to move towards a greater union with self and create a pathway towards forgiveness of self. Learn to forgive yourself and do not cling on to your importance. Know that you are all that you are today because of your creator. Be patient and forgiving with yourself and it will be easier to be patient and forgiving of others. This for sure is one of life’s lessons. 

Let us Talk Forgiveness

Life has taught us that an unforgiving life is not worth living. To forgive hurts done to us is not only a Christian way of life; it is the only way to live. Christ has taught us in so many ways that we cannot be his followers without forgiving those who have hurt us. He shows us how to forgive by forgiving those who hurt Him. He prayed for them. “Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing”, (Lk. 23:34). In the only prayer that Christ taught us – Our Father – He made it very clear that “If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions”, (Mt. 6:1-14). In Mark 11:25 Christ warns, “When you stand to pray, forgive anyone against whom you have a grievance, so that your heavenly Father may in turn forgive you your transgression”. Whatever way forgiveness is understood, it is the foundation and at the heart of our lives as Christians. We have to identify our hurt and sincerely seek divine forgiveness. It may also be necessary for us to ask for forgiveness from those who may have been the objects of our transgressions.

I often imagine a world as envisioned by Prophet Isaiah where: “The wolf shall be a guest of the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid; with a little child to guide them. The cow and the bear shall be neighbors, together their young shall rest; the lion shall eat hay like the ox. The baby shall play by the cobra’s den, and the child lay his hand on the adder’s lair; there shall be no harm or ruin on all my holy mountain”, (Isaiah 11:6-9). Unfortunately our world is filled with hatred, pain, dissension and civil strife. I am saddened when I notice children born into circumstances where they cannot grow to their full maturity and potentials. These children are injured, broken, abused, traumatized, ill-treated and maltreated by those they loved and trusted. With their stifled growth and broken world they, as young adults and later as adults, often take an easy way out in their desire to escape into utopian world. They use drugs, alcohol, sex or all other means to drug or numb their pains, isolation, fears and loneliness. Many take to a destructive life and anti-social behaviors that would cause friction and discontentment in the society at large. Because young people do not pay heed to life’s lessons when faced with conditions of their brokenness they automatically hate them. They run like a roster with its head chopped off and flap their wings here and there struggling for survival.  They feel they have to soften it, pad it with something, and they become addicted to whatever it is that seems to ease their pain. Sooner than later these miscreants are imprisoned by their habits and there is no escape. In order to satisfy their inordinate desires and inclinations, unacceptable behaviors are often committed and when society can tolerate it no longer they are whisked out of society into jails where they are hardened the more by isolation and stigmatization.

In order for these individuals to recapture their full potentials, in my opinion, it is imperative for them to seek to reconnect with their past. And this is where forgiveness comes in. People who are broken cannot be healed of their brokenness without reflection, counsel and prayers. From prayer comes the need for closure, acceptance, forgiveness and reconciliation if the individuals intend to live a normal life. Life has taught us that forgiveness is the key to unlock the door to a worthy life. In the next blog I will reflect on the three dimensions of forgiveness: (i) forgiveness of self, (ii) forgiveness of others, (iii) forgiveness of God. Remember to err is human but to forgive is divine.

Is Worrying really necessary?

The way I see it, worrying is simply a waste of time, an easy way to lose hair, a sure way not to sleep at night, and a license to a stressful life. Don’t get me wrong, I am speaking from experience of not paying attention to life’s lesson. I have had my worrying days and I have paid dearly for it. Just take a look at my hair and you will know what I am talking about. Mind you I used to have afro hair style once upon a time. You better believe it! That is all history now, thanks to worrying about the things I had no control over. But the truth of the matter is that most of what we worried about never happened as we once feared. A hard lesson to learn from life, you say. So true!

Life has taught us that worrying about the future is futile for there is basically nothing we can do about it except to worry. Yesterday is past and gone, tomorrow is not yet here, we only have the present, the here and now. It is here that the teaching of Christ rings supreme. Let us listen to him: “Look at the birds in the sky. They do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important that they? Which of you by worrying can add a moment to his life-span? As for clothes, why be concerned? Learn a lesson from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work, they do not spin. Yet I assure you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was arrayed like one of these. If God can clothe in such splendor the grass of the field, which blooms today and is thrown on the fire tomorrow, will he not provide much more for you, O Weak in faith! Stop worrying, then, over questions like, ‘What are we to eat, or what are we to drink, or what are we to wear?’ The unbelievers are always running after these things. Your heavenly Father knows all that you need. Seek first his kingship over you, his way of holiness, and all these things will be given you besides. Enough, then of worrying about tomorrow. Let tomorrow take care of itself. Today has troubles enough of its own” (Mt 6:26-34). What else can I tell you! But then the test of the pudding is in the eating. Let me wait and see if you will put this life’s lesson into action and stop worrying. It is when you stop worrying that you begin to live like a child of God who puts his or her trust in the divine providence. Happy worry-free life!

Patience: the Lost Virtue!

Life has taught us that ‘good things come to those who wait.’ The Psalmist reechoes this sentiment with the line, “I waited, I waited for the Lord and He stoops down to help me”. There is yet another life’s saying that admonishes that ‘a patient dog eats the fattest bone’ Unfortunately our generation has come up with ways to speed things up so that we don’t have to wait anymore. Remember the Concord plane? Yes that was meant to cut our travelling time so drastically that one could take breakfast in New York and lunch in the United Kingdom. The speed of our inter-net services has moved from dial-up to DSL to High speed to Comcast, to Xfinity to God knows what is in the works. Need I say more? Our generation is loaded with instant products: instant tea, instant coffee, instant banking, yes instant everything. I cannot wait for the day I will deposit and withdraw money from the bank without leaving the comfort of my room. After all, you can do all your shopping on line and have them delivered to your door without leaving your couch.

Tell me, how did you feel when you had to wait for your doctor? Don’t you wish there was a doctor’s drive through office? I would like that. Or even to have a drive in Church? Oh Church! We just want to rush in and rush out; after all it is a day of rest. Right?

But then life has taught us that there are certain things we just can’t rush. For instance a child has to be in the womb for nine months before his or her birth, else we will not be happy if it comes out before its time. What about waiting for bus, for train or for your flight? No matter how we want things done yesterday, we must wait for certain things to be done today. Patience in this case is golden and at times there might be no substitute for it. And you know what? We have to be patient with ourselves, with our spouse, with our children, with others and with our God. The work of creation is on going and we must be patient because God is not done with us yet. Yes, patient seems to be the lost virtue. I am tired of hearing people say, you know I have no patience, I can’t put up with this or with that person. But stop. Think. Are you a very easy person to live with? You think! If people in your life did not put up with you idiosyncrasies could you imagine how your life would have turned out? So be patient, for good things come to those who wait. If you are patient good things will surly come to you. This indeed is a great lesson of life. 

Let us Speak the Truth in Love!

It is great to be sincere and honest. It is wonderful to be charitable and kind. Life has taught us that we should be kind and hospitable at all times. Those who are intelligent and smart should assist those who are struggling. “Do to others what you want done to you” is a biblical injunction, a wise saying and life’s lesson. Correcting wrongs and speaking out should be done in charity. Speaking the truth should be done in the spirit of love and with an intention to teach. Many times we confuse strength with confrontation. Is there any way we can correct our brothers in the spirit of love? How do we talk to or about our leaders? Do we talk to them spitefully or with respect? How do we correct our leaders and those in authority? In the wake of clergy abuse scandal in the U.S., many parents talked about their priests disrespectfully and in derogatory terms even when they knew that there are many good and wonderful priests out there doing their work and being faithful to their vocation. This way of speaking made many young people to be afraid of considering vocation to the priesthood. Many people became judges instead of being their brothers’ keepers. So how can we speak the truth in love? There is no easy way to say this, except that if someone is lacking in love, the person should start acting with love. If one is lacking in charity, then one should be charitable. Yes, it is good to speak the truth, but please let us do it in love, for love conquers all.

Listen in Order to Hear.

Life’s lessons are abundant for those prepared to learn. Just stop and think. Then ask yourself a question: Why do I have one mouth and two ears? Yes, two ears to listen while one mouth to speak! A great lesson you say. And you are right. Now test yourself in another life’s lesson: the last time someone spoke to you were you really listening or were you thinking your own thought, how to share your own experiences while your friend was sharing his or her own? So you did not really listen to your friend, eh! Great injustice. St. James observes: “know this my brothers: everyone should be quick to hear, slow to speak…” (1:19). Listening with an intent to hear is one of the greatest services one can give to a friend. Do we listen in order to give counsel? Not at all times. Sometimes the best gift we can give to one in distress or even to our friend is the gift of ourselves expressed in listening attentively to them. Let us learn to listen for in listening we learn about our friends and about life in general. Is this not one of the lessons of life?

That I may love as I am loved!

 February 14, every year is commemorated the world over as lovers’ day. This day is so celebrated in memory of St. Valentine, a Catholic Priest who dedicated himself to the exploration of God’s love for humanity. Valentine did not only discover God’s love but he encouraged others to do the same. How could one love so dearly in spite of preponderance of hatred in the world? The book of Genesis reminds us that each act of creation completed by God was good. God loved what he created and the act of creation itself can be seen as an act of love. How could we not see the immensity of God’s love for us? Today in the name of love sin will be committed against love. Many have misunderstood love to mean lust. What lesson has life taught us on love? The first lesson of life is that we should treat others the way we want to be treated. The second lesson is that we should love in the same way we want others to love us. The third lesson is that we should not confuse love with lust. And finally we should see something good in creation and be positive about life. Valentine did just that and today he has given a great example to the world about love and by extension life

To be myself at all times!

Life has taught us that we should be who we are and be the best that we can be. Everything around us calls on us to be something else or somebody else. The Media influences us to be somebody else. The world of commercial is always eager to sell us this or that so as to feel good. The model world makes us believe that we are not good enough just being ourselves, that we have to look and dress in a certain way to be acceptable by Society. This has put a lot of pressure on our young ones and at times they have developed a sense of hatred for selves. Many young people have low self esteem due to what Society is doing to them.  e.e. Cummings, the poet observed that "To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting." Can we stop fighting this battle? Yes we can! The only way to do this is to be the best of who God wanted us to be. We should be contented with who we are and check our diets. Go back to nature and follow life's lessons and you will be happy with the outcome. Be yourself for the God who created you loves you just the way you are. God is not ashamed of you so do not be ashamed of yourself.

Be Compassionate!

       Life has taught us that when people live together, there is bound to be conflict and strife. But life has also taught us that our strength is not in adversity but in how we are able to rise above the vicissitude of life and still hold our heads above the waters of tribulations, stress and traumatic experiences.  The word compassion is derived from the Latin words pati and cum, meaning “to suffer with”. Being compassionate means bearing the burden of my brothers and sisters and feeling with them their pain, sorrow and stress. Not to be burdened by those pains but to facilitate the healing process through empathic response to them.  No wonder Christ exhorts us to “be compassionate as your Father is compassionate”. This command does not state something we had already known but had forgotten, but it is a call that goes right against the grain, that turns us completely around and requires a total conversion of heart and mind. This is the invitation to love unconditionally and to feel one with the other utterly. God’s way of being compassionate is His willingness to take the form of a slave and to live among us, to share our pains, our isolation and our hurts. Through God’s willingness to share our lives, He gives us hope and made it possible for us to live meaningful lives. It is this kind of compassion that we must extend to one another.

Our sharing in the brokenness of our brothers and sisters means we are willing to enter with them into their problems, their confusions and their questions. It means the ability to offer them an alternative to their pains. It means we are willing to listen with both ears and heart so that we can truly hear what is being said and understand it completely without judgment or condemnation. Compassion can never coexist with judgment, because judgment creates the distance, the distinction, which prevents us from being with the other.

This then is one of the lessons of life and it is also the lesson of Christ: to be kind, compassionate and loving will help us create a better world for ourselves, for our friends and for our families.

Being good for goodness sake!

Do  I have to be good in order to please anyone or I have to be good  because it is good to be good? Being honest and sincere are best virtues to have. Just as flowers bloom and emit powerful and wonderful scent in the forrest whether anyone perceives and admires them or not, so should it be for us. At least that is one of the lessons of life.

I often hear parents say, please do this for me, be good for me, be kind for me, etc, etc. I don't have to be good, faithful, sincere, honest, chaste or loving for anyone. I should be all these because these virtues are good in themselves.

Young people, please be good for yourselves, to please yourselves and your God. Once you do this, it will be easy enough to please your parents. That is what it means to be a Christian. Our guiding light should be Christ and our goodness should come from His. Be Holy for your Heavenly Father is holy. Be good and let goodness be, is a great lesson from life.

What Lesson has life taught me of late?

I have given a lot of thought to beginning a blog on what life is all about. I do know that we have been taught a lot of lessons by life, but have we taken time to learn what lesson it is. For instance, how do we treat our friends? Life has taught us that we should be faithful, honest, sincere, forgiving and caring. Have we been all these to our friends? This is just a thought. My intention with this blog is to begin to reflect on some issues that we take for granted about friendship, love, faith and commitment to our ideals.