Love entails Suffering

 We have heard people say many times, “there is not a crown without a cross”. This means is that nothing comes easy. There is no wishful thinking in being successful. If you want to be successful, work for it! If a student does not burn the mid-night oil, success in an examination may elude him/her as legs eluded the proverbial serpent. If you want something, go for it. If you want it bad enough, put in the time and work at it twice as hard. It is foolhardiness and indeed senseless to be jealous of someone who works hard to be successful while you rest on your oars thinking that the success should be yours.

In his Sunday Homilies, Year A, Mark Link, SJ wrote about Arthur Godfrey who had a sign on his office wall that read: “The fire, Lord, not the scrap heap.” Godfrey, according to Mark Link, said that the sign reminded him of a story about a blacksmith who suffered much illness but still maintained a strong faith in God. When unbeliever asked the blacksmith bow he could keep trusting God in spite of his illness, he replied: “When I make a tool, I take a piece of iron and put it in the fire. Then I strike it on the anvil to see if it can take temper. If it does, I can make a useful article out of it. If not, I toss it on the scrap heap”. Jeremiah the prophet alluded to this in the 18^th chapter of his prophecy, “I went to the potter’s house and there he was, working at the wheel. Whenever the object of clay, which he was making turns out badly in his hand, he tried again, making of the clay another object of whatever sort he pleased. Indeed, like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, house of Israel”.  

Chastisement, punishment and suffering are part of life. No one enjoys suffering or chastisement when he/she undergoes it but at the end the person may begin to see the purpose of it. Jesus calls chastisement pruning. “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine grower. He takes away every branch in me that does not bear fruit, and everyone that does he prunes so that it bears more fruit”, John 15:1-2.

To show how much God loves us, he sent his only Son to redeem us. “For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life” Jn. 3:16. For Mark Link, “the crucifixion acts as a dramatic sign of Jesus’s great love for us. “The greatest love a person can have for his friends”, said Jesus, “is to give his life for them,”” Through his death Jesus invites us to show same love for others. He urges us not to be afraid of suffering even for the sins of others. For it is in suffering that we gain eternal life.

The problem is that we often run away from the fire and then end up in the scrap heap. Look at our prisons; most of those in these facilities would not have ended up there if they had taken the hard road and not the easy way to success. When parents abdicate their roles and responsibilities as parents, stop disciplining their children and allow them to grow wild, eventually the long arm of the law will catch up with them and they will end up in the grip of the police, the judge and in jail.

Love should not be confused with discipline. Proverbs 12:1 reminds us that “He who loves correction loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid”. When there is love, discipline and good values in the family, it is easy for a child to avoid the pitfalls of life. Love and discipline are not diametrically opposed but complimentary.  If you love me do not spare me the embarrassment of correcting me at home. You will prevent me from the shame of making that mistake in public. According to an African proverb a mentally deranged person brings shame to his family by behaving abnormally in public. Let us take warning from the book of Proverbs 13:24 which reads, “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them. Love does not condone evil but stands up for the truth no matter how painful it may be. This painful and tough love may seem hard but very redemptive indeed. Are you prepared to show tough love to your friends, your children and even yourself?