Why are you not happy?

This is a very simple question that speaks volumes about who we are and the attitude that determines our happiness. Life’s lessons has explored and come to a simple conclusion that happiness is not out there, it cannot be given to us. We are either happy or we are not. Happiness cannot be sold or bought neither can it be wished on someone or self. It can neither be given nor be forced on someone or self. Happiness cannot be earned through marriage nor can possession of money or material things ensure it. So what is happiness and why is it so illusive to so many of us in spite of who we are and what we have achieved? Why is happiness so difficult to come by, no matter how we desire it?

The Positive Psychologist, Sonja Lyubomirsky describes happiness as “The experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combine with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful and worthwhile.” The synonyms of happiness are: pleasure, contentment, satisfaction, cheerfulness, merriment, gaiety, joy, joyfulness, joviality, jollity, glee, delight, good spirit, lightheartedness, well-being, enjoyment, elation, ecstasy, jubilation, rapture, bliss euphoria, and what have you. There are many reasons why you do not feel happy and excited about life. Many people, on the other hand, would do anything to prevent their happiness and the happiness of others. Sad though, some of them may not even know that that is their mission: to frustrate others. They are so used to being sad that happiness is nothing but Greek to their ears. Here are some reasons:

1.     You have neglected yourself: Spend some time in front of the mirror and see who and what you see and not who or what you want to see. Look long enough and see yourself with the lines that are drawn out on your face, see your sad self and ask yourself a question, why do I look this way? Now spend sometime in prayer; pray for the gift of discernment so that you may change your ways and begin to live as God intended for you. Accept who you are and be at peace with yourself. Know that God is not done with you yet. You are still His work of art. Be patient and know that you do not have to be perfect, neither should you expect any other person to be. We are always in the process of becoming who God wants us to be, but we have to cooperate with Him. Grace builds on nature. If you allow God, He will work with you so that you may be happy with who you are.

2.         You are always right, or so you want to be. You are not happy because you are always right and every other person is always wrong. What a life! Why is being right so important to you? No wonder you are not happy and God knows how those who live and work with you must feel. Because you have spent your entire life and energy trying to prove how right you are at all times, you have alienated your children and friends from yourself. You find it difficult to have and keep friends; who can be a friend to Mr. or Ms. Right. To have a friend, you need to be a friend. Try to accept you friends for who they are. Please do not try to turn them into you. Learn to tolerate your friends. Do not always prove to them how right you are and how wrong they are. Why not try to be wrong at times, after all, there are words like ‘mistake’ and ‘wrong’ in the dictionary. If we were meant to be always right and not make mistakes every now and then, I am sure such words would not have been thought of in the first place. Being right always makes you sad and unhappy.

3.       You are not happy because you are always complaining of one thing or the other. Your nagging spirit drives away your peace of mind and deprives you of happiness. If you want to be happy stop complaining, refuse to nag and begin to appreciate people. Give them credit for their scanty triumphs in your life. No man is an island. No matter who you are today, some people contributed towards your achievements. The word ‘love’ is real; put it into practice. Think less of yourself and your accomplishments. Remember that without God you are nothing. All that you are and all that you have are gifts from God, not for yourself alone but for others to also benefit from your gifts. By seeing the good in others you will begin to see the good in yourself and happiness will make an in road to your life.

4.         You are not happy because you have refused to change and accept change. The world has moved on and left you behind. It’s like you were asleep while others were awake and going about their normal business. Now that you are awake, you want to drag everyone down. This is a sure way to remain in the kingdom of sadness and unhappiness, and you know what? This is exactly what hell looks like! Sleepers, awake, arise and shine and let the Lord shine on you. Get out of your house, smell the roses, watch the birds flying and enjoy their melodious tunes, their songs of praise to their God. Borrow a leave from them. Thank God for your many blessings. Be grateful, for though the world is messy and at times scary, it is still a beautiful world. When you are at peace with yourself and with others, happiness will be yours forever. Don’t worry then, be happy! 

How do you prepare for your demise or do you?

A cursor glance or a mere observation of life and nature reveals to us, mentally or instinctively if not naturally that the end of all living things on earth is death. This fact is brought home to us by the many losses that we have experienced in our lives. We suffered our first loss when we were ‘ejected’ from, pushed or ‘forced’ out of the comfort of our mother’s womb at birth. That, no doubt, was the reason for our first cry, which also demonstrated to our mother that we were alive. We did not shed tears of joy but a protest for depriving us of a comfortable and cozy life; a deprivation of an insulated life in an environment that we did not have to work for anything. Our needs were met automatically just by being alive in our mother’s womb. From the day of our birth we knew that many more losses awaited us. Very soon our first tooth as babies would be taken by ‘the tooth fairy’.  From then on gamut of losses would be our lot in life, the most painful of it would be the demise of our parents. Dare I say it? Our own demise would one day follow. So death is not so foreign to us.  We may know about death but to mentally receive it and practically and materially prepare for it may not be easy to conceptualize. It is easier, you will agree, to think of the demise of others than to imagine our end. But Life’s lesson assures us that as the night follows the day one day will be our turn. How prepared are you for that day?

We pray for our departed loved ones always especially in the month of November. We pray for them because many of them died in mysterious and strange circumstances. Many did not prepare for their demise; neither did they know that the day of their death was their ‘D’ Day. Plane crash? Deadly auto crash? Shipwreck?  Bomb blast? Terrorist attack? House engulfed in flames while occupants were asleep? Stray bullets? Irresponsible and reckless use of guns to settle scores and grievances?  We pray for mercy on their souls, that they find peace with the Lord. Their death, apart from being sad, should serve as a warning for us. On the need to be prepared for our day of reckoning let us listen to the Gospel of Luke 13:1-5: “At that time some people who were present there told him about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mingled with the blood of their sacrifices. He said to them in reply, ‘Do you think that because these Galileans suffered in this way they were greater sinners than all other Galileans? By no means! But I tell you, if you do not repent, you will all perish as they did! Or those eighteen people who were killed when the tower at Siloam fell on them – do you think they were more guilty than everyone else who lived in Jerusalem? By no means! But I tell you, if you do not repent, you will all perish as they did!” The lesson we must learn from the dead is that the same destiny awaits us all at the end and the foundation of our final home in the world is sixth below mother earth.

The month of November will soon come to an end and the hustling and bustling of the festive season is right around the corner. Our attention is once again drawn to the need to be prepared as we being the season of Advent. We must think eschatologically: that is thoughts of the final events of history or the ultimate destiny of all living things on earth. Let us take the words of Jesus as recorded in Luke’s Gospel 12:35-40 to heart and ponder them day and night: “Gird your loins and light your lamps and be like servants who await their master’s return from a wedding, ready to open immediately when he comes and knocks. Blessed are those servants whom the master finds vigilant on his arrival. Amen, I say to you, he will gird himself, have them recline at table, and proceed to wait on them. And should he come in the second or third watch and find them prepared in this way, blessed are those servants. Be sure of this: if the master of the house had known the hour when the thief was coming, he would not have let his house be broken into. You also must be prepared, for at an hour you do not expect, the Son of Man will come.” What else can I tell you?

So how must we prepare for our demise? Here are some tips.

1.     Read and put the following Bible references into action: the Gospel of Matthew chapters 5, 6, 7,18 and 25.

2.     Do not forget that reconciliation and peaceful co-habitation should still be the guiding principles for all and sundry.

3.     Prophet Micah 6:8 reminds us thus: “You have been told, O man, what is good, and what the Lord requires of you: Only to do the right and to love goodness, and to walk humbly with your God.

4.     Remember that being a Christian is not what we say but what we do. Christianity, therefore, is an action word. Let us be Christians in word and in deed. Know that we are all created in the image and likeness of God: even your enemy was created in the image and likeness of God. The poor, the sick, the homeless and those in jail are all God’s children; they deserve care and love from you. They may be the ones to plead on your behalf before the throne of Grace. Do not ignore them! Do to no one what you do not want done to you.

5.     In his letter to Titus 3:1-7 Paul asked Titus to “Remind your people that it is their duty to be obedient to the officials and representatives of the government; to be ready to do good at every opportunity; not to go slandering other people or picking quarrels, but to be courteous and always polite to all kinds of people.”

I am sure if we observe the aforementioned, not forgetting our prayer and sacramental life and doing our best at all times, we should not be afraid of death. Dying then would be for us a transition to a better life, a life with God.