Why are you not happy?

This is a very simple question that speaks volumes about who we are and the attitude that determines our happiness. Life’s lessons has explored and come to a simple conclusion that happiness is not out there, it cannot be given to us. We are either happy or we are not. Happiness cannot be sold or bought neither can it be wished on someone or self. It can neither be given nor be forced on someone or self. Happiness cannot be earned through marriage nor can possession of money or material things ensure it. So what is happiness and why is it so illusive to so many of us in spite of who we are and what we have achieved? Why is happiness so difficult to come by, no matter how we desire it?

The Positive Psychologist, Sonja Lyubomirsky describes happiness as “The experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combine with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful and worthwhile.” The synonyms of happiness are: pleasure, contentment, satisfaction, cheerfulness, merriment, gaiety, joy, joyfulness, joviality, jollity, glee, delight, good spirit, lightheartedness, well-being, enjoyment, elation, ecstasy, jubilation, rapture, bliss euphoria, and what have you. There are many reasons why you do not feel happy and excited about life. Many people, on the other hand, would do anything to prevent their happiness and the happiness of others. Sad though, some of them may not even know that that is their mission: to frustrate others. They are so used to being sad that happiness is nothing but Greek to their ears. Here are some reasons:

1.     You have neglected yourself: Spend some time in front of the mirror and see who and what you see and not who or what you want to see. Look long enough and see yourself with the lines that are drawn out on your face, see your sad self and ask yourself a question, why do I look this way? Now spend sometime in prayer; pray for the gift of discernment so that you may change your ways and begin to live as God intended for you. Accept who you are and be at peace with yourself. Know that God is not done with you yet. You are still His work of art. Be patient and know that you do not have to be perfect, neither should you expect any other person to be. We are always in the process of becoming who God wants us to be, but we have to cooperate with Him. Grace builds on nature. If you allow God, He will work with you so that you may be happy with who you are.

2.         You are always right, or so you want to be. You are not happy because you are always right and every other person is always wrong. What a life! Why is being right so important to you? No wonder you are not happy and God knows how those who live and work with you must feel. Because you have spent your entire life and energy trying to prove how right you are at all times, you have alienated your children and friends from yourself. You find it difficult to have and keep friends; who can be a friend to Mr. or Ms. Right. To have a friend, you need to be a friend. Try to accept you friends for who they are. Please do not try to turn them into you. Learn to tolerate your friends. Do not always prove to them how right you are and how wrong they are. Why not try to be wrong at times, after all, there are words like ‘mistake’ and ‘wrong’ in the dictionary. If we were meant to be always right and not make mistakes every now and then, I am sure such words would not have been thought of in the first place. Being right always makes you sad and unhappy.

3.       You are not happy because you are always complaining of one thing or the other. Your nagging spirit drives away your peace of mind and deprives you of happiness. If you want to be happy stop complaining, refuse to nag and begin to appreciate people. Give them credit for their scanty triumphs in your life. No man is an island. No matter who you are today, some people contributed towards your achievements. The word ‘love’ is real; put it into practice. Think less of yourself and your accomplishments. Remember that without God you are nothing. All that you are and all that you have are gifts from God, not for yourself alone but for others to also benefit from your gifts. By seeing the good in others you will begin to see the good in yourself and happiness will make an in road to your life.

4.         You are not happy because you have refused to change and accept change. The world has moved on and left you behind. It’s like you were asleep while others were awake and going about their normal business. Now that you are awake, you want to drag everyone down. This is a sure way to remain in the kingdom of sadness and unhappiness, and you know what? This is exactly what hell looks like! Sleepers, awake, arise and shine and let the Lord shine on you. Get out of your house, smell the roses, watch the birds flying and enjoy their melodious tunes, their songs of praise to their God. Borrow a leave from them. Thank God for your many blessings. Be grateful, for though the world is messy and at times scary, it is still a beautiful world. When you are at peace with yourself and with others, happiness will be yours forever. Don’t worry then, be happy!