Anger

It is common to hear people say you have annoyed me or you are the cause of my anger. The truth of the matter is that no one can make you angry. Anger is not caused by anyone. If you say that someone is the cause of your anger, how come that two people can say the same thing to you at different times, to the first person you may just laugh but the second person may rouse so much hurtful feelings in you that can make you want to kill the person. Aristotle said it well thus, “Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way, that is not easy.” Why do we react the way we do to certain situations and not to others?

Thomas Pazhayampallil, the Moral Theologian, maintains that anger is a capital sin and defines it as an inordinate inclination to take revenge. He goes on to say that anger may consist in a mere impulse of impatience. The least annoyance or the least failure may arouse our temper. He further stressed that “anger may consist in uncontrolled gestures and words. At times it reaches the point of violence and furry, causing damage to others. Anger can degenerate into hatred, vengeance, going so far as to desire the death of the adversary. In anger we must however distinguish between emotional agitation stirring within us naturally, no matter how violent it may be, and the conscious consent to it. The former is not a sin; the latter is a sin. When anger simply consists in a passing unchecked impulse of passion it is of itself a venial sin. However, when self-control is lost and grave insult is offered to the neighbor, it can be a grave sin.” A wise saying has it that “For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.” How true! I cannot agree more with the man who said that, “anger always comes from frustrated expectations.” Of course it is also true that “anger is one letter short of danger” and “Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.” Whoa! When you expect people to act in a certain way towards you and if that person does not satisfy your expectation, your feelings are hurt and you become angry.

Anger is only a natural reaction; one of the mind’s ways of reacting to things that it perceives to be wrong. While anger can sometime lead people to do shocking things it can also be an instinct to show people that something isn’t right. The teaching of Christ on anger is apt at this point. He admonishes, “You have heard that it was said to your ancestor, ‘You shall not kill; and whoever kills will be liable to judgment. But I say to you, whoever is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment, and whoever says to his brother, ‘Raqa,’ will be answerable to the Sanhedrin, and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ will be liable to fiery Gehenna.” (Mt. 5:21-23). Christ goes on to teach us to forgive and eradicate the root cause of anger from within so as not to give in to the impulse of anger and the resultant sin that follows it. When we give in to anger, we give power over to some other person to control us. Listen to this, “anyone who angers you conquers you”. Correct! Let us therefore listen to the teachings of the wise and avoid occasions of anger, hatred and violence. When hateful feelings come up let us rather do some reflection on self and ask yourself why you feel the way do. Instead of finding fault with others, try to look inwards. Remember, “It is wise to direct your anger towards problems—not people, focus your energies on answers not excuses.”