In the book ‘The Way to Love’, Anthony De Mello makes some very uncompromising statements about our state of being. He said for instance, “Has it ever struck you that you have been programmed to be unhappy and so no matter what you do to become happy you are bound to fail?” A difficult assumption, you will say, and I agree with you totally. For sure we have experienced happiness in many lasting ways in the past. We should not in any way feel that we are doomed to fail in our pursuit of happiness. After all, happiness is a gift from God. Our idea of God is not just given to us by our culture, our society or religion as Anthony maintains. Our idea of God is written in our hearts, it is in nature and everywhere. The Book of Wisdom eloquently attests to this fact. “For all men were by nature foolish who were in ignorance of God, and who from the good things seen did not succeed in knowing him who is and from studying the works did not discern the artisan” (Wisdom13:1). I wonder why De Mello would include the search for God as the source for our happiness or as programming. According to St. Augustine God has created us for himself and our hearts are restless until they rest in God.
De Mello’s reflection on inviting the poor, lame, and cripple to our homes as a gift to ourselves rather than we giving them something, is the one I will not forget in a hurry. Who do we really consider as poor, by the way? Anthony warns that the poor and the beggar “is going to reveal yourself to you and reveal human nature to you – a revelation as precious as any found in Scripture, for what will it profit you to know all the Scripture if you do not know yourself and so live the life of a robot?” He himself related an experience that he said revolutionized his life. He talked about meeting a rickshaw driver name Rinsai in Calcutta, “who, although he was dying of a painful disease and was so poor that he had to sell his skeleton before he died, still was a man filled with faith and interior joy”. He said that while in the presence of this man, he suddenly realized that he was meeting face to face with a mystic who had rediscovered life; he was alive, while Anthony was dead. “He was a man who had reincarnated himself during this life.”
This book has so much to teach us about life, attachment, happiness, love, joy and relationship. If you read it reflectively it will help you to do some checks on yourself whenever things do not work out as you planned them. You may be tempted to ask yourself some few questions about your attachments and programming, as Anthony put it. His discussion on why people mourn for a long time after the loss of their loved one will have a rewarding effect on how you view life. You will discover the secret of a happy life which is to let go of things and people and just enjoy the presence of people while at the same time learning to set them free. Anthony’s analogy about the flower which gives it fragrance to all and not to anyone in particular, is the one that will linger on in your mind for a long time. You will be tempted to defend your actions and give reasons why you hold on to things and people. Has it occurred to you why you are so sad and unhappy? Check your attachments! We should love to the point of letting the one we love free to live his or her life. How many people will believe this?
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